“Aren’t You Afraid?”

    Slumped over and wedged into position with my arms and head twisted in an electrical control cabinet, I heard a voice behind me.  In an almost whisper the voice asked “Aren’t you afraid?”  The first thought that ran through my mind was, had I forgotten to lock out the 480 volt electrical feed…  No, the input lights on the electrical cards were off.  Slowly I pulled my arms out of the bundles of wires and slid out from the cabinet, looking back I saw one of the guys from the assembly department.  I gave him one of those cocked headed questioning stairs.  Again, after taking moment to look around as if to see had anyone walked-up, in a more direct tone he asked “Aren’t You Afraid?”  I had no idea what he was talking about so I asked, “Of What?”  In an almost frightened voice he came back with “You know…, that stuff you write, Aren’t You Afraid They’ll Come After You?”   Wow I thought to myself, this guy is serious, I gave him a quick, “No, Not Really, Why do you ask?”   He paused for a moment looking for the words, “Well you poke a lot of people in the eye, important people” I ended our conversation with “There’s a lot of people, Beck, Rush, Hannity saying more than me and they have a bigger audience.  If “THEY” were to start coming after people that disagreed with them, I think I’d be pretty far down the list”.  With that he gave me a bit of an unconvinced smirk, turned and walked away.

    The conversation got me thinking, here was a young man, maybe half my age and he has a genuine fear of his own government.  I wondered will he live out the rest of his life afraid.  Will he be too afraid to question the actions of “Public Servants”?  Could be he’ll adopt the “Just Ignore It, Maybe It’ll Go Away” attitude that we see all around us.  Myself I think that attitude is what put us in to the predicament we’re in today. 

    Looking back on my own life it been many years since I have been truly afraid, I’ve been startled, alarmed or concerned by people and situations but not afraid.  I think the last time I felt fear was when I was 13 or 14 years-old and had a problem with a neighborhood bully, he was a few years older and a bit bigger.  All of us younger kids knew if we crossed paths with him we would get shoved to the ground, our school books would be thrown around and most likely we’d get a punch or two.  This went on for what seemed forever,  walking the long way around, running away when I saw him coming and just letting plain old fear run my life.  Then came that one day, the day walking along the path in the woods, BOOM, I was face to face with the bully.  No place to run, no place to hide… the path was lined with thick thorny briers.  Something came over me, maybe I snapped but I wasn’t going to lie down and be a punching bag this time. 

    I played football in the youth league; I was a middle linebacker, quick and strong for my age.  The bully may have been a bit older and a bit bigger but I’ve gone against bigger on the field and took them down.  I took the hits, bumps and bruises on the field but in turn I dished quite a few bumps and bruises out.  As I approached him I thought it through in my head, he’s going to push me I need to be braced and ready for it, then turn and burry my head into his stomach rap both arms around his leg’s lift and drive him into the ground just like I’ve done in tackling practice hundreds of times, then punch, with every muscle in my body I need to punch hard and fast, over and over.

    Things began to move in slow-motion as we got closer but I felt fast, ready and confident.  My thoughts were clear and focused (the adrenalin rush had kicked in).  As expected he reached out to shove me extending his body out and off balance.  I absorbed the shove like a compressed spring then I exploded into him with a textbook tackle, head buried, arms rapped and locked, his body slamming into the ground and thorns.  The next few moments became a blur, the punches and struggle slowed as his resistance waned.   I would like to say I got up and walked away but I allowed my rage and anger to take their shot.  As I stood over his crumpled body laying half on the path half in the thorny briers I gave his knee a solid stomp, kind of an exclamation point… No More! No more harassment, no more bullying, No More FEAR!  That was the day I gave up fear.

    That was the better part of 37 years ago, I’ve lost a step or two and gained a few pounds but it was never really about the strength or speed.  Fear comes from not being ready, from not being willing to act.  Like I said, I’ve been startled, alarmed or concerned by people and situations but I focus on what danger do they present, what options are available, should I take a defensive or offensive posture.  Then it’s just a matter of being confident in myself, adapting to the situation and executing the best option…  So to answer the question, No I’m NOT AFRAID!

      A few days after the young man came to me with his question I was able to sit with him and tell him this story.  We talked about fear and the feelings of powerlessness it gives you.  I gave him my views and admitted sometimes I have doubts but I search out the answers to my doubts.  That builds my confidence and allows me to go on living without fear of what’s going on in the world around me.   I saw a bit of a spark of hope in his eyes and his head held a bit higher as he walked away afterwards.  I just wanted to thank him for letting me share this story with the rest of you.

Till Next Time

 

The TOMCAT